Dear Reader,
Today I am sharing a practice you can do that may change your quality of life, and might just change the world. When you first hear about it, this practice might sound simple, or obvious, but if you really take it to heart, it can be rich enough to become an entire life’s work.
The practice?
Add love.
You may have heard the term “adding value” related to business, which basically involves providing more value to a customer where before there was less.
Adding love, to me, is similar – providing more love in the world, where before there was less.
These words, “Add Love,” popped into my mind from nowhere (as my best guidance often does) last month. My wife Louise and I went for a short hike on a sunny Saturday afternoon, to celebrate the arrival of Autumn in Maine. At the top of a tiny peak not far from where we live, we sat on a large rock outcropping to take in the view. For a few moments, I let my hand rest on top of Louise’s as we took in the beauty of the day.
As I was I was about to move my hand, something interesting happened. I felt compelled to let my hand rest on hers a few seconds longer, enjoying that closeness just a little bit more, while giving her a little bit more of myself.
That was when the words “add love” appeared in my mind. It felt like advice, a command actually, stemming from what I had just experienced. I thought briefly about what it might be like if we all found small moments to add a little extra love in our lives.
Doesn’t that sound simple?
Adding love can be easy
You may be thinking that you do that already, or that it’s easy. And it certainly can be, especially with people we love or in easy situations.
For example, last week when I was at Starbucks, I was waiting for a woman to finish preparing her coffee with milk, sugar, etc. before stepping in to prepare my own. At some point, she noticed me waiting. I could see her stiffen a little, and start to hurry to get out of my way. I smiled and said “Take your time; I’m not in a hurry for once.” She smiled, and replied, “It’s nice to not be in a hurry once in a while, isn’t it?”
Small moments like that add love where before there was less, and it was easy. You might say that I wasn’t adding love, that I was just being polite, or kind. But I would contend that love is at the heart of every kind act, no matter how small.
In fact, love is at the heart of everything.
Adding love can be difficult
On the other hand, depending on your experience in life right now, you might be thinking that adding love is the last thing you are capable of, that you are filled with difficult emotions, faced with challenges, and just aren’t feeling very loving right now.
I do understand, and if that is your experience, I honor it.
For you, I would say that adding love might be an even more important practice right now, and that the old saying “fake it ’til you make it” really does apply. A smile really can change everything, including how you feel. Research does validate the positive effects of smiling and doing something good for others.
The same goes for adding love. Even if you aren’t feeling it, try it anyway. Just in a small moment, just as an experiment.
I’ll give you another example, from a little later the same day as my encounter at Starbucks.
I was driving on a busy road in Portland, Maine. There were two lanes of traffic, and as I approached a traffic light, a driver in the right lane shifted his car in front of mine without using his turn signal, cutting me off. I noticed it, but did my best to let it go. No harm done, right?
But then, as we drew up to what was now a red light, I started to pull into the far left lane in advance of making a left turn. The same driver cut me off again, still with no turn signal, this time cutting it so close I had to brake pretty hard to avoid hitting him.
This time, I did something I rarely do – I let out a blast of the horn. Well, I could see him turn around and look back, shake his head, and say a few words… I said a few words back (without profanity, to my credit) and I shook my head firmly “no” to indicate that I wasn’t buying whatever he was saying.
Then, something amazing happened.
He stuck his hand out the driver’s side window, palm facing down, and patted the air as if to say “let’s chill out here,” and gave me a big thumbs up! I instantly gave him a big smile, and a big thumbs up in return. It was what we both really wanted deep down. We both went on with our day, feeling better.
That driver added love, in a situation that wasn’t easy, and I responded in kind.
Two critical insights about adding love
- It may be easy to add love in situations where you already feel it, but it is even more impactful to add love in the more challenging situations in our lives. We may feel more challenged to add love with particular people we know. We may feel more challenged to add love in particular contexts – at work, while driving, in the grocery store, when you are anxious or stressed.
- And, the most challenging situation of all may sometimes be to add love for yourself. How often do you just add a little love for yourself – an extra deep breath, a nice meal, a little self-encouragement and appreciation – over the course of your day? And as above, can you still do that when you are struggling, frustrated or angry?
Think about the two examples I gave earlier. In the space of two hours, I went from adding love at Starbucks to honking my horn in frustration at another driver. It’s easy to forget, and the shift from appreciation to anger can happen quickly.
The good news is that the shift from anger to appreciation can happen just as quickly, especially if you consciously practice.
Add love, where before there was less.
Guiding questions
Powerful questions can help you actively incorporate the practice: Where can I add love today? How can I add love to this situation? Even more powerful – allow it to happen. The love you spontaneously add without even asking the questions will feel the best. After all, if love really is at the heart of everything, it is at the heart of you, waiting to be released.
Finally, as reflection, ask yourself when it’s easy for you to do, and see if you can do it a little bit more. Then ask yourself when, where and with whom you find it difficult to do, and see if you can do it anyway. Even just once is something to build on.
Changing your life and the world a little bit at a time – are you in?
I honor your loving heart,
John
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