Regrets of the Dying

Dear Reader,

The Good News Network comes through again! I just read an excellent article, featured in the network’s e-newsletter, written by Bronnie Ware. Bronnie is a hospice nurse, and her article is based on her own observations of the top five regrets voiced by people who are dying. Having been a hospice volunteer myself, I can relate to her observations. I won’t ruin the article for you by listing all five, but I will focus in today’s post on the first and fifth regret. The first:

“I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”

Wow. Take a deep breath dear reader; I know I needed to when I read those words.

Such a poignant regret, yet why is that warning so difficult for us to take to heart sometimes? Perhaps it is a little too easy to think “Oh, I’ve got plenty of time left. I’ll do something about that tomorrow.” Or maybe we settle by saying “Life isn’t so bad. Things could be worse.” Sometimes we believe that we can’t be true to ourselves because we would be rejected, or because it would simply be too painful or difficult – in other words, because of our own expectations.

More time passes. Things stay the same.

Some of us are lucky enough to get a wake up call that really does shake us up – an accident, the loss of a loved one – but does it really take such a catalyst to make the changes needed “to live a life true to myself”?

I don’t think so, and that is what my own work is all about. I am passionate about helping people wake up. Let’s face it; we all need it sometimes. Why? Because it can often be difficult to recognize our own truth; it is covered by layers of the “expectations of others,” as Bronnie Ware says, or by limiting beliefs about our own capabilities. Those expectations and beliefs can grow so close to us, and become so deeply rooted over the years, that we can’t separate from them enough to see and break free of them. We come to think those expectations, fears and beliefs must be who we really are.

Maybe you are wondering “Wait, why was this article featured on a website about good news?!” Perhaps because, no matter what you might believe right now – you can change in an instant. That is good news indeed. One simple way is to turn that regret into a question for self-reflection:

“Am I living a life true to myself?”

Which brings me to the fifth regret:

“I wish that I had let myself be happier.”

I am struck by the wording “…let myself…” That means we have control over our own happiness. As Ms.Ware points out in her article, being happy is a choice. No matter what is going on in your life right now, you can make the choice to be happier. You can start now, today, this instant.

Take another deep breath. It is the most immediate way to become fully present, which is one of the most powerful yet simple ways to be happy. When you are present, you are not worrying about the past or the future. Simple.

Another approach would be to again turn the regret into a question for self-reflection:

“Am I letting myself be happy?”

Thank you, Bronnie Ware, for sharing your experience in working with the dying and reminding us all to live the lives we want now.

I honor your loving heart,

John