Your Inner Hallways

Dear Reader,

Life is getting a whole lot busier for me as December progresses, with business and life decisions to navigate. I have to confess I got a little stressed out last week, and I began skipping my morning meditation to get right to what I felt was the “important stuff” – until a few days ago. I finally closed my eyes to meditate, and something very interesting happened…

I should also tell you that another part of my morning practice is to pick an oracle card for inspiration and insight to start the day, and the “Meditation” card has been turning up with increasing frequency – just in case I didn’t get the message.

So on this recent morning, I felt myself craving silence. I didn’t think “I should really meditate this morning,” but rather my physical body and inner being called out for it. I closed my eyes and right away felt myself drop into a deep state of relaxed awareness. You know that feeling your body has when you drink water after being really thirsty, and you soak it up like a sponge? That’s the way I felt inside, except that the focus was on meditation, not water.

As my attention shifted inward and continued deeper, it felt like I was walking through the inner hallways that led to my deepest self. Those hallways, ordinarily so familiar to me, looked and felt neglected after days with no visitor. The beautiful tapestries on the walls were starting to gather dust, a few light-bulbs were burned out, and the air smelled a little musty.

I literally felt like I was coming home as I journeyed inward. Even though I expended no effort with my awareness, I could feel dust being swept away, lightbulbs being replaced and the light returning to my inner self.

My inner self.

I felt it like a long lost friend. It felt warm and familiar and nurturing – and it wanted my attention, because I had clearly neglected it in recent days. I sat in simple radiance, doing nothing, and my meditation was over in what seemed like no time.

No time.

What was my realization, dear reader? What did I take away from that experience?

I realized that I had been attempting to operate solely within the surface layers of my awareness for days. Those layers include rational, analytical, intellectual thought, and the common emotional responses that often accompany them – worry, doubt, a desire to control and know in advance how everything will come out. For me, there is a very definite physical feeling – perhaps a hardening of thought, or a slowing down of the deeper flow of my sensations – that accompanies living on the surface of awareness.

When I finally meditated again, I dropped below the surface of my thoughts, and accessed my inner presence, my “I am.” In doing so, I felt great peace, and a knowing that everything would be OK. I also knew that I would make good decisions and take the right action at the right time – and that I would accept the outcomes of my actions with equanimity.

It wasn’t that I had regained control of my life, but that I had regained connection with the most important part of me – my inner landscape. When we come from that place, we are at our most powerful.

So dear reader, if you are feeling a little stressed during this holiday season with all you need to do; if it feels like work or life demands are intensifying as the end of the year approaches –  get quiet and reconnect with your own deepest self. Feel the simple, welcoming reassurance that your inner presence is there waiting for you, at all times.

Take a walk down your inner hallways.

I honor your loving heart,

John